Hey, you look beautiful today!

Some people say I have good communication skills, and I don't really believe that. And I kind of realised that my worst area is accepting compliments. I guess it must be obvious from the first line though. I find it really difficult to receive a compliment gracefully. I get nervous, and then blush furiously (which is very obvious given my skin tone), then I deny it altogether, or say it's not really how it seems, or I get aggressive and ask "Why? Why? Why do you say that?". Though that's not what I always intended. At the best, I fumble, smile awkwardly and look down and say 'Thank you'.

So I read up on this. Yes, as usual, google. It seems what I described above are classic signs of low self-esteem. LOL! Do I hear my colleagues laughing? Oh, yes, I do) And wikihow actually gives me ways I can learn to handle them. Oh well, I really hope they help me with the usual ones we get.

Most often, the compliments I have trouble with are these: "You are beautiful" (But not that I get many of that these days, now that I am fat horizontally challenged. Hmm, maybe I'll have to read the next wikihow link on how to react to that. LOL!. Anyway, getting back to the topic, the other ones I have trouble with are: "You are so smart", "You're a brilliant girl", "I think you can deal with all those people. you're good at things like this", yada, yada.

Today, however, I received a compliment I had no problem accepting. And I wondered why. And that's what got me started on this post. I think it has something to do with how really good I think I am at it, or rather how much I really believe in it. In some way, receiving a compliment makes me instantly do a subconscious comparison with the best. I tend to see how far I still have to go, rather than how far I have come. And me being who I am, the former will always be more. So I decided to come back and make a list of what I have been comfortable with, at least the most recent ones. And this is what I ended up with:

The best compliments I have recently received: (which btw, I did not have a problem receiving)

From Hamsa at work, the day I cut my hair real short the 1st time:
"Wow, this is great! I really admire your courage!"

From M, when I did a pixie:
"Whoa, you look like a punk star"

From B, when I spoke of going to some fancy restaurant:
"You are really different. Not many people would go the a dhaba one day and a real hi-fi restaurant another day"

From Dad, when I failed my exam: (not so recent, but... :) )
"You are a very sincere girl. I know you can do it this time"

I guess, listing these down, make me feel that I'm not really that ill-mannered. But I still have a long, long road to travel before I reach the point that I can look at every person who compliments me and really mean it when I say 'Thank you'. And maybe one day, I will reach there...