Hey, you look beautiful today!

Some people say I have good communication skills, and I don't really believe that. And I kind of realised that my worst area is accepting compliments. I guess it must be obvious from the first line though. I find it really difficult to receive a compliment gracefully. I get nervous, and then blush furiously (which is very obvious given my skin tone), then I deny it altogether, or say it's not really how it seems, or I get aggressive and ask "Why? Why? Why do you say that?". Though that's not what I always intended. At the best, I fumble, smile awkwardly and look down and say 'Thank you'.

So I read up on this. Yes, as usual, google. It seems what I described above are classic signs of low self-esteem. LOL! Do I hear my colleagues laughing? Oh, yes, I do) And wikihow actually gives me ways I can learn to handle them. Oh well, I really hope they help me with the usual ones we get.

Most often, the compliments I have trouble with are these: "You are beautiful" (But not that I get many of that these days, now that I am fat horizontally challenged. Hmm, maybe I'll have to read the next wikihow link on how to react to that. LOL!. Anyway, getting back to the topic, the other ones I have trouble with are: "You are so smart", "You're a brilliant girl", "I think you can deal with all those people. you're good at things like this", yada, yada.

Today, however, I received a compliment I had no problem accepting. And I wondered why. And that's what got me started on this post. I think it has something to do with how really good I think I am at it, or rather how much I really believe in it. In some way, receiving a compliment makes me instantly do a subconscious comparison with the best. I tend to see how far I still have to go, rather than how far I have come. And me being who I am, the former will always be more. So I decided to come back and make a list of what I have been comfortable with, at least the most recent ones. And this is what I ended up with:

The best compliments I have recently received: (which btw, I did not have a problem receiving)

From Hamsa at work, the day I cut my hair real short the 1st time:
"Wow, this is great! I really admire your courage!"

From M, when I did a pixie:
"Whoa, you look like a punk star"

From B, when I spoke of going to some fancy restaurant:
"You are really different. Not many people would go the a dhaba one day and a real hi-fi restaurant another day"

From Dad, when I failed my exam: (not so recent, but... :) )
"You are a very sincere girl. I know you can do it this time"

I guess, listing these down, make me feel that I'm not really that ill-mannered. But I still have a long, long road to travel before I reach the point that I can look at every person who compliments me and really mean it when I say 'Thank you'. And maybe one day, I will reach there...

If I were a boy...

When I first heard Beyonce's song on Yasim's mob, I was truly moved. But I wondered about what she really meant. Now after watching the video, I understand.

"If I were a boy, I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl; I swear I’d be a better man
I’d listen to her, cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted 'cause he’s taken you for granted,
and everything you had got destroyed"

She's talking about how someone caused her a lot of anguish and pain, and how she would act differently if she were in that position, because she knows how it is when you cause a person so much pain. It's an awesome way of getting your point across by taking on that person's role and showing them how it is from your perspective. Like putting your shoes on their feet.

But the song also talks about how the other person in the relationship is not able to understand it all. "But you're just a boy... you don’t understand". It portrays how immature he is, and how he just doesn't get it. But that doesn't really excuse his behaviour, and she wont wait for him all the time. ....Hmmm.. It really gets one thinking about stuff, doesn't it?

So, if you have been hurt by someone close, this is for you. And if you have been immature like yours truly, try to think of the other person's feelings more often.

(P.S. To -. You know who you are. Sorry. And thanks for still being there.)

Would you buy my painting?

$10,000 for that? :o Almost unbelievable. (see it on ebay)
Anyways, read the story behind it. It is hilarious!

Dedications

Dedicated to B who finally cut down from 2l Coke/day to 1l/every few days.. :D
Maybe this will help. ;)

I found this site while stumbling today. It calculates how much caffeine it takes to kill you.
Seems my poison will take another 10 yrs... LOL!

To PK who really likes Obama Barack : pictures of the Prez when he was young
If ever, heaven forbid, the recession hits you, join, and I'll vote for you... :)

To J. Next time you do more of you Telugu / Tamil accents, you can be "better". LOL! Click away, you racist bugger :P

To M, my rock and my constant source of joy and exasperation, some medicine. Get well soon, dear!

And to H, seems like you need some time off.. So plan some holidays .. Remember to take me along ok da :)

Caterday

[from here]

Sleeeppppp...... I need sleeeppp....

Ok, I give up...

Angst

You say you are so tuned into me
That you know me so well
But a person is not just a few facets
Everyone has sides not many know

Some think I’m nice, some say I’m a bitch
Maybe there is a bit of truth in both
But does that mean I’m only what they see?
Not everything is just black or white, dear

I’m a soft toy in the store
I’m a porcupine with an itchy back
I’m so much more and so much less
Why do you then see me as only one of those?

Just because you’ve seen me purr
Does it mean I don’t know to scratch?
And just ‘cause I deal with all of your moods
Do you think my patience is infinite?

Yes, you know me, but no, not completely
Love me yes, but give me space
Lean on me, but not so much that I can’t handle it
And then don’t act so hurt. It makes me feel guilty

I like you and I will always care
But why do you place me on a pedestal so high?
Friendship and love will always be between equals
Everything else leads to anger, hurt and tears

You want this, I want that,
Sometimes it may be the same thing, but not always
Does that mean I have let you go?
Does that mean you don’t care for me?

I hate you, I like you,
And I know you love me
And there will be times when we fight
But that needn’t be the be-all and end-all of life
Just try too understand.