March 10, 2008

Rollercoaster ride

You know those times when your mind is all so full of things you just don't want to think about? And you listen to music or whatever suits you just to stop thinking? You turn on the radio, not even bothering to change the station when the song suck. And then you hear it. And snap, it just fits. The connection.
I felt that today. it was playing on Indigo. "If you're lost, hurt, tired or lonely". I listened to it for want of better things to do on the ride back from work. And he sang "All your friends think you're satisfied. But they can't see your soul"
... And I knew. Why it seems so hard these days. Every one's so excited about 'opportunities'. And all I see are the things that will soon be gone. Dl and Mn trying to help her be strong enough. Trying to scare the Grim Reaper's shadow far away from the hospital. Mr dealing with the reality of his parents splitting. Me coping with the loss of trust on someone. S having no idea what to do about the subtle abuse at work. Do they understand us?
All that is seen on the outside is the faint ripples of the turmoil inside. Dealing with it is all easier when you vent it all out. At least Bt helped me channel my sorrow to anger. But now he's about 8000 kms away. And Hs did more than that. He made me forget it all for a while. But how many times do you bounce back till it seems less like a bounce and more like a semi-low state. One part of me says "Bah" and the other quips "lah di dah". The 3rd is silent. Who will be the 1st to puke when the coaster turns upside down?